Filthy puns I got paid to write

I'm feeling good today; I got checked out this morning by a handsome, rugged fireman, which is pretty much the greatest love of all since it is a scientific fact that all firemen are drowning in the poon lagoon. So to actually get noticed by one--well!
Today...I consider myself...the luckiest woman...in New York City. JK. Firemen are NMT (not my type).

So in the spirit of my being awesome, let's all enjoy some filthy puns and wordplays I wrote as headlines and decks and such for the latest Playgirl. (It's our music issue, so there was plenty of talk of rocking out with one's cock out.)

For an article on polyamory: Bang bang bang went the poly; Can you have your cock and eat other ones, too?
For an article on hottie Scandinavian bands: Nordic Tracks; Northern Exposure; and Scan-dalous
For a blurb about a nude Sid Vicious photo: Mind the bollocks, because this punk is showing his junk.
For a blurb about a nude David Bowie screen capture: Old blue eye's one-eyed snake [note position of apostrophe]
For a collection of recycled photos of nude models who look like they might be musicians: Band Members; intro also rhymes "acoustic" with "goo stick" (this makes me cringe almost more than the photos themselves)

That's all so far. Plenty more where that came from, though. Pleeeenty more. Not to mention some of my greatest hits, I should compile those when there's more time.