Friday, September 01, 2006

A gay of my own

Readers, I pose this question to you: Why don't I have my own gay boyfriend?

I've been wondering this for quite some time. According to TV and Hollywood, every sassy young woman has her own gay. Most of my girl friends have their own. Some have whole collections of them. Why not me? I edit Playgirl, for crissakes! As far as I can tell, I am enjoyed by numerous gays of my friends. But it never gets to the point where he is my gay BF.

Do I radiate some sort of gay-repellant pheromone? Is it that I sometimes use "that's gay" in the playground sense? And sometimes the phrase "that is gay homo to the max"? Is it that I tend to like music generally enjoyed by alienated young straight men and women (and dykes), and not music generally enjoyed by gay men?

If nobody answers this, it means you're gay and you dont' think I'm fabulous.

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posted by Colleen @ 8:39 AM  

9 Comments:

  • At 6:07 PM, Blogger Preworn said…

    Maybe walking into a gay bar with an airhorn would help?

     

  • At 11:34 AM, Anonymous JB said…

    I don't want to rub it in, cuz, I mean, gay BF's aren't the BEST thing in the world, but even I have one and I'm not gay...wait...that's confusing.

     

  • At 1:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oh colleen, whoever you are, you really do seem fabulous. shame on those gay boys who aren't your gay boyfriends! maybe they are intimidated by your superduper fabulousness, which might possibly be just too overpoweringly powerful.

     

  • At 7:53 PM, Blogger Colleen said…

    Yay! If that last commenter was a homosexual male, he should be mine.

     

  • At 6:36 AM, Blogger lioux said…

    I'd be your gay boyfriend if it weren't for my straight girlfriend.

     

  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger Colleen said…

    You know, all the good ones are taken.

     

  • At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Emily said…

    In my expert opinion, I would blame your lack of gay boyfriends on the fact that you're not, nor have you ever been, fat. Gay boys and fat girls are just two great tastes that taste great together. You can take it from me, a girl with approx 1 gay boyfriend for every 20 pounds overweight I am. Or you can ask John Waters. He'll tell it to ya (but he won't tell it to ya straight.)Bottom line, not your fault.

     

  • At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Terre T said…

    Emily makes a good point: a U need to be a heavier _ALL THAT_kinda girl with alotta presence to be the Queen Bee to her skinny Gayboyfriend Fabworker drones.
    OR u have to concede to the gayboy world and hang where they hang, listen to wot they listen to.

    Back in da day, i hadda alotta gayboyfriends ---i was not overweight, but i think these boys just loved the fact i was(am) 6ft tall and was kinda kranky (read "bitchy").
    Of course i was sucha makeover project to them.
    There i was stomping around in boots and indie -grunge ratty vintage thriftshopwear - with lipstick-so-dark red-its-brown & my eyebrows tweezed out to nothing & my eyes rimmed out in black khohl eyepencil, listening to Tar Mudhoney, and Pavement.
    And there they were saying, "Yr mascara loox like TAR. Yr lipstick loox like MUD, honey. And where did u get those clothes? THE Garbage? [ok bad literary technique...but i dint listen to Garbage bak in the day]".
    I found myself following my gaybfs to GlitteryFlamingDiscoDance clubs dancin to CeCePenniston & Lime after havin a full makeover for the nite: Shiny Metallic Gold lipgloss, fake eyelashes, fullon big curled hair, some sorta copper-colored metallic dress thing with giant sholder pads and supertite lyrca leggings.
    Yeah i looked REAL GOOD---like a real good drag queen!

    huh...uh maybe THASS why they liked me so much...

     

  • At 9:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hang in there honey. I'm sure it will happen.

     

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