I can't have anything nice, part 2

When I wake up in my apartment on weekday mornings, my bed is shaking, and I didn't put a quarter in to make that happen. I get it free just by living in a boomtown neighborhood with a shit-ton of simulataneous construction. And yesterday, probably because of this whole lotta shakin', senseless tragedy struck in my own apartment.

While home for Thanksgiving, I watched numerous documentaries on The Science Channel and The Travel Channel. I will pretty much watch any show about the Bermuda Triangle (it was covered on two diff shows on Friday's extended sitting), those field markings that might be from aliens, the giant Peruvian field-drawing thingies that can only be seen from the sky but which were made way before aeroplanes, ancient crystal skulls, Stonehenge, the Loch Ness Monster (again, on two diff shows), ghosts ("Most Haunted"--AWESOME), and so on.

They are really into using re-enactments on these shows, which inspired me to recreate the unfolding of yesterday's unfortunate incident.

NARRATOR: 7:30 am. Colleen's alarm clock radio comes on, tuned to a station playing a tribute to the recently deceased Anita O'Day. It is accompanied by the vibrations of local construction. Only this morning, something is different. The sounds and vibrations are more intense than ever. She hits the snooze button.

7:37 Anita O'Day comes on again. Colleen decides to add some of Ms. O'Day's recordings to her Amazon.com wish list. She again hits snooze.

At 7:51, Anita O'Day comes on again. Colleen continues hitting the snooze button for approximately another half hour. At 8:20, she finally gets up, feeling annoyed about the local construction.

The day proceeds as normal, until approximately 3:00, when she receives an alarming email from her roommate, with the subject line, "Oh no."

Just wanted to warn you:
I came home today to some vintage-bowl carnage. (namely, all  but two of the breakable bowls from the middle stack on the shelf) I'm guessing the giant house-shaking machinery of nearby construction sites had something to do with it.  Sad times. But great excuse to buy more!

I saved the major pieces, anyway, if you want to try to glue them...
Hope you're having a good day otherwise...



NARRATOR: Shocked, Colleen wondered if the building really could have been shaking enough to knock bowls from the shelf. From her office, she tried to imagine the scene that had greeted Hannah back home.



AUDIO CLIP OF COLLEEN: This is one of the vintage causalties, a Fire King bowl, I'm going to guess it's from the '60s or '70s? Fire King was a competitor to Pyrex, and not coincidentally, in Latin "pyrex" means, "fire king." Way to rip off Pyrex, guys. This bowl used to have a twin, which perished in an earlier kitchen accident. No damn wonder no one knows Fire King today, while Pyrex continues to go from oven to microwave to fridge to dishwasher in the new millenium.



NARRATOR: The investigation is still missing testimony from the only possible witness: Gypsy the Cat. When approached for comment, she blearily stared, then went back to sleep. Unless she comes forward ready to shed some light on what she saw, we may never know exactly what happened that day.



NARRATOR: Until then, we are left with the two survivors of this mysterious mishap, and one enduring question: Why?




WRITER/DIRECTOR: Colleen Kane
ACTORS: Colleen Kane, Hannah White
RESEARCH: Hannah White
THANKS FOR NOTHING, AS USUAL: Gypsy the Cat


Behind the scenes: