(The title is a lame play on a Misfits lyric that I felt needed an explanation. I.e., not a good title. Hey, they're not all gems.)
Things I learned about Texas during a whirlwind 48-hour (or so) visit to my BF's relatives' homes in Austin and Waco:
Ginger ale is apparently a rarity in Texas (is ginger too Far Eastern?), but I was able to top off my 2006 love affair with salty Mexcellent snacks by sampling a few new ones.
(In an ill-considered illustration choice, it looks like Chester Cheetah is vomiting out a white substance, also in keeping with the 2006 theme of snack food mascots looking ever more EXTREEEEEME.)
You can dine at at tee-hee-named chains Luby's or Schlotskys, or if you are feeling the girl power, Whataburger:
...because they totally stole their logo from Wonder Woman.
Some people really do just walk around wearing cowboy hats. Like, they're not kidding. Tourists from foreign lands should come here and check this out. This is probably exactly as they want America to look, except that they really want everyone to have gun belts as well.
This adult video store had a banner that said, "WELCOME HOME OUR HEROS," the subtext of which was, to me, "Now that your spouse has left you while you were serving the country, drown your misery with pornos!"
By Tuesday, with nary an edible green in sight, I had begun fantasizing about kale. In Texas, my being vegetarian is regarded as way more unusual than seeing this hunting section in Wal Mart:
Hey, isn't this a majestic creature? Let's blow it into Kingdom Come! Family fun for everyone! Thanks, family-friendly Wal Mart!
At this Waco Wal Mart, where you can order and pay for your McDonald's to go and also pick up smokes all at the cashier, I got the fear, with an encroaching sense of being at a crux of all that is evil about Western consumption. If I ever publicly lose it, it'll probably be somewhere like this.
(If you happened upon this page by googling like, "huntng suplies texxas" and are now about to post a comment to defend the barbaric practice of hunting, please do me a favor. See that little key over there that says "caps lock" on it? Mash it down until it's not lit up any more. )
The natives are fanatical about a local sporting team called the Longhorns, and often express their hope that the 'Horns "hook 'em." Most 'Horns merch is in a burnt orange color, in honor of the Texan sunset, which is, fittingly, big. And pretty.
I still have no idea what Austin's like, but I'm told it's really cool.
Labels: beasties, GIRL STUFF, travels