Status report on living somewhere not suited to me
I'm going to kiss the ground when I get back to the sweet familiar Northeast, only not at the airport because I'm flying into Newark. I'll wait til I get to my parents' place.
To be perfectly honest, if it weren't for the fun road trip aspect to ease me back down South, I don't think I'd be returning to BaRou so soon. If I think of this move in terms of the nearly three years that it is planned for, my brain goes into instant denial mode. So I just think, OK, it'll be fun til Leah leaves BR, then family is coming for Thanksgiving, then we'll be traveling to and fro for the holidays and I'll see my bff ecs, who'll be visiting from Australia. And then the second semester hopefully won't be as brutal for the bf so we'll spend more time together and he'll be more rested and relaxed, and then for the summer we'll hopefully live somewhere else entirely. And so on, with as much travel figured in there as financially possible.
Sorry BR readers, I am giving it a shot here, and there are some aspects I like and all, but that's just how I feel.
Even though exciting things are in the works, a little too much is still up in the air for comfort, and I'm nostalgic for nearly every other time in my life that isn't now. I happen to have gotten emails from three friends in the past week who are unhappy in their situations, and it seems like the one handling it best is my family member who is keeping herself busy with loads of activities so she won't dwell too much about the loved one she lost recently. She is doing something about her situation. So I have to remind myself that as glamorous as NYC seems now from afar, I wasn't satisfied with my situation there, nor was the bf, and now we're doing something about it, and it's not all going to be easy.
Here's a quote from Rufus Wainwright in June's Radar magazine, on why he recorded his latest album in Berlin rather than New York: "I love New York, and I intend to stay here and never forsake this town and always pay my taxes and everything, but I do feel sometimes, living in this city and this country, like there's an odd disconnect to what's really happening in the world."
I hear him. I am now essentially living in a foreign country, compared to where I spent my life up until now,with its own traditional ethnic music, its own cuisine, even the people here look different (not just fashion-wise, but in the face). And I'm not going to say that we're going to run screaming from here in 31 months (1000 or so days, but who's counting) never to return, but I'm certainly not ruling that out. Stay tuned to see how that all progresses... but first, I'm going home.